what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
