youre lurking in front of me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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