i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had sex on a roof
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
