So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
