if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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