just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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