Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
