Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
