PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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