I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize