i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
