The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
