You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
