Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
