Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Porn is love you can see.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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