All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my liver is dry heaving
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
