I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
