I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were destined to go to rehab together
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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