My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
