yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
