i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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