I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
