The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
