Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
