$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
