Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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