Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
