Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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