he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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