Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
