My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
