Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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