There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
