Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize