Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
