I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
