There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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