Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
