I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
