Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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