I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
