Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
FUCK WHALES
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
