The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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