That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
