You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Found the puke drawer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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