That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
