i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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