Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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