yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
