I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
