I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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