Fuck appropriateness.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
