weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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