Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize