So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
