mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
