The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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