You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
