she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And then my night got REAL pukey
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
