ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
