so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
