ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
