I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
