Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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