If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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