Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
