This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
