it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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