If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
