i barfeds in our rink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
